An honest opinion on modesty and body positivity:
I am a man, but that doesn’t make me blind. These are my honest opinions on why you should learn to love yourself!
In this day and age, you can barely get away from someone trying to praise or shame another’s body. From the media conglomerates to social media and back again it seems everyone has their ‘idols’ and ‘dream bodies’ that they are willing to flaunt pictures of and accept when they post said scantily-clad photos. “It’s their body, they can do whatever they want,” people say. Yet, when that same person comes across a peer posting something similar, most will quickly jump to shame them; “slut, whore, who does she think she is”. The double standard has never seemed clearer and is only accelerated and accentuated with the rise of applications like OnlyFans, Patreon, and the continuation of the ever-accessible porn industry.
What’s the real issue? People’s perceptions or the creation of unobtainable goals?
Who’s to blame for the disparity? Those glorifying the famous for doing things that are frowned upon in everyday life, or ourselves, for letting something normal and natural be framed as something only the rich and famous can do?
There are a lot of people who try to use sex and everything surrounding it as a weapon. A taboo that no one is willing to talk about and ashamed of in public situations. My question is why? Why is one of the most natural things humans do so hard to speak about? The longer it is in the dark, the harder it becomes to bring to light and educate everyone. I mean honestly, what’s more embarrassing; the fact you like being rough in the bedroom and taking dirty pictures, or the fact you can’t admit it.
In the history of the human race and continuing today, modesty has meant many different things. A body has been just that, a body. They have been praised, idolised, immortalised, shamed, and hidden. One thing that hasn’t changed is what they are. Bodies are the same. Society has just changed how we perceive them. Today, I think there are more movements and people trying their best to get humanity back to the point of us accepting anyone and everyone in their bodies because they are just that. Bodies. We have all seen them clothed and naked, so why do we care?
In my personal opinion, the current state of stigma around naked bodies revolves around people believing there is a set measure of attractiveness. Toned, tanned, tall, you get the picture. In reality, everyone has their own preferences. There are people who love so-called supersized people, as much as there are people who love super skinny people. It really shouldn’t matter what your body looks like because one way or another there is always someone who will find you attractive. So, if that’s what you’re looking for, accept yourself and enjoy it. Almost all of our torture is self-inflicted from what we heard someone else say. Who cares what they think, do what makes you happy!
Forever, those who are confident and find it empowering to be in control of their own body and love to share it have faced ‘slut’ shaming, name-calling, and censorship. There were limited platforms and it was difficult to make money unless you entered the porn industry. Now we all have the chance to own our own content and work in a safe, secure manner, setting our own rules. The barriers to entry have been lowered, the time to reach such content has gotten shorter, and the amount of content just continues to increase. But there is more and more money being spent. The new age of networks has created a society in which you can find everything you want, whenever you want it.
This has led to more avenues than ever to show off what you have. There have even been apps and services created that are capitalising on the sex industry. Apps such as Snapchat, Patreon, and OnlyFans have given confident people a way to make money from their homes. They can sell themselves without ever having to meet a soul. With this increase in accessibility and decrease in physical risk and the ability to cut out a middleman, it’s no surprise how many people have started making the most of these opportunities. Women and men alike, now have a safer avenue to express and share their dirtier sides in private or public and profit off it. The way I see it is, it’s the same mentality of buying a nice watch or new suit and showing off the wealth you’ve worked hard for. Showing your body and what you’ve worked hard on is a flex, but most people still see it as taboo, even though anyone can see thousands of nude images with a quick search.
Enter the entrepreneurs of the 21st Century. The sex workers, who through the freedom of their body are making the most of it. Giving fans what they desire while controlling all the circumstances. Using the tools created to build their own empires and bring light to the taboo subject. Showing the art and creativity of the human body, so others can enjoy their own enjoyment. Too many people are offended by these people when in reality all they’re doing is capitalising on a situation. Spending their spare time hustling, while others make fun of them and feel intimidated by their strong will, self-love, and belief in themselves. And this by no means takes away their ability for intimacy in a relationship. It’s not for everyone, but there can certainly be separation, between a job and an actual relationship. One is objective and a form of art, performing. The other is emotional and has a genuine connection, so don’t make the mistake of labelling people just because they see things differently.
Now, these applications and situations aren’t without their flaws. There are plenty of people, manly men, who do not enjoy the free will being expressed and shown. When they can’t get what they want they don’t accept the rules, feeling like they deserve something. Well, they are wrong. Nobody deserves anything. But with these apps, these people can be blocked, and all negative influences can be removed. This creates a safe environment where those accepting can support their friends, idols, and even lovers, enjoying the wonderful community that self-love and the human body can create.
My tips for body confidence and self-love
At the beginning of the road to loving the body, you reside in you have to know that body. Look at yourself every damn day. You have to know every freckle and mole, every scar and hair, from head shoulders knees and toes, know your body and understand it. Find out what your body can do, test it physically and listen to what it tells you. If you take care of it, it will respond positively. You will always notice differences in your body before anyone else because no one else sees it or knows it as well as you. And more often than not you’ll feel the differences before you can see them. Remember this; just because someone else can’t see the difference doesn’t mean it’s not there. Only you know how you feel physically and mentally. No one else has control over your body. This is your body to love.
Once you know yourself and you study yourself daily, you have to appreciate what you have. Congratulate yourself for the hard work you put in because some sort of work is always better than no work. There are tough days and crap days and rainy days. But if you’re consistent, show some love to yourself, don’t punish yourself. If you really want that cookie after your workout, go for it. Treat yourself with the kindness you want to be treated with. Set yourself small and large goals, celebrating when you reach them! Take pictures to remind yourself where you’ve been and what you’ve done. That day you didn’t want to get out of bed, let alone go to the gym, remember that. Celebrate all victories and appreciate your hard work and dedication because again, no one knows the hard work you’ve put in physically and mentally to get here. Look at what you’ve accomplished and learn to appreciate what you have and how far you’ve come.
The next step is to gain some positive affirmation. People do this in a multitude of ways. Some people post pictures for the world to see, others only share with their significant others. But showing at least one other person, I believe, is very important. When you feel good and like how you look, capture that moment, and then share it! It takes a long time to get here, but it is the next step to self-acceptance and self-love. We all seek confirmation of what we believe, so it’s only natural to want someone else to tell you that they see it too. Having positive reinforcement from another being will keep you working hard and make you realise how far you’ve come. At this point, it’s almost as if you can’t believe what you’re doing, and then realise all the work you’ve done to get here. Then the feelings change from shock and being nervous to feeling powerful, confident, and loving the body you’re in. Find your comfort level of sharing and do it. Continuously. Watch those around you see your increase in confidence, and see your drive stay high. The attention only gives you more motivation to stay at that level or go even further in your journey. As long as you’re staying healthy and looking after yourself mentally as well as physically, this is your dramatic increase in confidence.
One of the hardest things to do throughout this journey is to not just believe in yourself, but also believe yourself when you say something. It is so important that you believe yourself over everyone else when it comes to your own body. They are not you and they truly don’t know or understand you. No one does. You are the only all-knowing on this subject. Once you learn to accept and appreciate what you have, you will inherently start to care less about naysayers and what some people say. As I’ve said repeatedly only you know the struggles you’ve been through. So intuitively you shouldn’t let someone you don’t know, who knows less about you, and you don’t care for, make you feel differently about yourself. And if you do care about the person who is making you feel negative about yourself, talk to them and tell them. Your opinion comes before everyone else’s. And your opinion should be exactly that, yours. There should be little to no influence from what others say. It is nigh on impossible to completely ignore what others say, but it is possible to take what they say with a grain of salt and pick and choose what you listen to. Use your judgement because ultimately you have all the power over your own body. So, take care of it, and love it.
Be happy. That’s my ultimate advice. Do what makes you happy and don’t let anyone else tell you what that entails. Because if you combine your desires with what makes you happy and healthy, you’ll have nothing left to do but love yourself. No action is definitive, one bad day doesn’t undo everything you’ve worked and sacrificed for. Have long term goals, but celebrate short term success, we are all in this together. Human and imperfect. So, live your life to the best of your ability and we can all enjoy our trip on this giant, floating, spinning rock called Earth.
So, take a stand. And learn to love yourself.
